Does parents criticizing their children after their performance in a match affect their love for sports?

The “ride home” after practice or a match is a familiar experience for many young athletes. It is almost a ritual that some go through after a disappointing performance, when a child finds himself in the car with a parent while his emotions are still raw. These moments may be one of the reasons that lead children to lose their love for sports.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, about 70% of young athletes drop out of organized sports by the age of thirteen. Every season, millions of parents drive their children home trying to figure out if they should say something about the game or practice, and what the right words will be if they decide to have that conversation.

A 2016 Canadian awareness film clearly embodied this problem. The father begins his conversation with his son, saying in a disappointed tone: “This was not the best training for you.

The father then continues to criticize his son, accusing him of being more interested in his friends than training, and of wasting the father's time and the coach's time. As the speech continues, the phrases become harsher, until the father reaches the point of attacking his son's personality and not just his performance.

For her part, Carrie Dawson, former executive director of the True Sport Foundation, says that the number one reason children leave sports is that it is no longer fun for them. The goal of this campaign was to raise awareness among parents who have good intentions, but do not realize the impact their words have on their children.

Some parents told her they didn't know that what they said or did could have such a negative impact on their children's enjoyment of sports. Events that take place during car trips home have already been studied.

Researcher Jimin Kim from Michigan State University observed conversations between a number of parents and children after the matches. The results showed that 59% of the time inside the car passed in silence, which Kim believes may be beneficial, because silence gives the child an opportunity to calm his feelings before speaking.

The study also revealed that talking about sports occupied only 13% of the time. In many cases, parents were more positive about their children's performance than the children themselves.

But the researchers also noticed that some parents jumped into the conversation before the child had a full chance to express his or her opinion. One child told the researchers, "I like to play sports, but I don't play for the sake of having these conversations afterwards."

If a child's sports memories are always associated with criticism and pressure during the return trip, he or she will likely not remember sports as a happy experience. Richard Williams, the father of tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams, is a famous example of discipline, as he forbade talking about tennis during the ride home, whether his daughters won or lost.

He wanted to preserve their childhood and innocence, so he did not allow blaming after a loss, or exaggerated boasting after a victory. Many American organizations have highlighted the trip home as an essential component of a child's enjoyment of sports.

For his part, John O'Sullivan, former professional player and founder of the "Changing the Game" project, advises parents to use five simple words when returning to the car after the game: "I like to watch you play." The majority of athletes, no matter their age, realize when they have made a mistake or performed poorly.

They don't always need someone to explain it to them right away. They may even need time to process their frustrations and feelings before hearing a lecture from a parent.

Writer and coach Brad Stolberg emphasized that the worst thing a father or mother can do is analyze the match in detail in the car. Even when a child's performance is great, too much focus on the result may send him the unintended message that his parents' enthusiasm and satisfaction are tied to his performance.

"Kids simply want to be kids. If they want to talk about what happened, they'll talk on their own," Stolberg said.